between the cracks: why art doesn’t have to be invasive to be inspirational

Every job that I’ve had for the last two years I have thought will be my last. I always envision that the hobbies I am attempting to monetize will take off like I’ve seen them do for other creators online. Well, I started a new job this week, and while I am incredibly excited about the work I’ll be doing (as it’s something I genuinely enjoy) I can’t help but feel that familiar prick of failure in the back of my mind.

But somewhere in the mix there is also relief. I don’t feel ready to pursue my own path quite as diligently as I would need to if I had no other source of income. I haven’t grown enough as a person or as an artist, and I am in a unique life situation that allows me to have enough time outside of a full-time job to pursue the things that I am passionate about.

But this unique situation leaves me with a predicament: my time is fragmented. Everyone is always talking about how work needs to be deep to be effective, how important it is to have hours of uninterrupted time so that you can truly make progress on your projects. While I agree that it’s important to limit unnecessary distractions (too much multitasking, checking notifications, etc.), expecting to have a large amount of time set aside for a task amidst a busy life is often unrealistic. In fact, I have also found that during the times I have worked for three-four hours uninterrupted on my days off I tend to lapse into self-destructive tendencies. If it’s a painting I will overwork it, if it is during the recording/mixing process I will get consumed by a tiny detail, and if it is writing I will reword until the work no longer sounds like me. Sometimes these long uninterrupted periods of time do prove fruitful, but more often than not they end in me being unhappier with my project than I was when I began it. Time away from the canvas, microphone, or pen is sometimes just as valuable as the time spent working with it.

So, I painted today…for ten minutes. I didn’t make much progress, but completed more than I would have if I didn’t choose to go for it. I got something else out of it too: this blog post, which is a result of a more positive outlook on my current life situation and the capacity that art exists in it right now.